If I were a religious person I’d say that I preyed and asked God to send you to me. But I’m not, so I’ll say that I wished for you. I thought about what kind of people live around here that might be interesting to me and the only thing that came to mind was an entrepreneur in the wine business but I knew I didn’t want anyone who had inherited their business because they can be spoiled punks and I hate that so I find it amusing when you point that out that separation…
I thought to myself that he can’t be high maintenance and care about clothes and high end products. (That kinda gay shit bugs me.) I’m that way all the way and I want my opposite as far as that’s concerned. Hopefully he won’t see my expensive taste as ridiculous and maybe even see it as feminine and sexy. Either way I can get whatever I want myself in a thousand different ways so it’s irrelevant whether he likes that about me cuz it not doesn’t have to affect him even if he doesn’t find it alluring.
What I want to have in common is a love for outdoors and animals and general curiosity about how things work.
I want him to know how to do guy stuff and support me in my desire to learn about those things rather than scoffing at me like I couldn’t possibly.
I wanted a foodie type cuz I’m into it and it sucks to be with someone and have to find someone else to go out to restaurants with.
My point is that I sat at my desk envisioning exactly what I wanted. In the weeks that followed, I kept my vision in my mind and fine-tuned it as time went on. I swear to God I heard the song “she thinks my tractors sexy” and he says something about how she even likes his farmer's tan and I added that to my vision so today when you mentioned your farmer's tan it was just a little too much for me to not admit to myself how all of it had come to me as if I’m a powerful magnet that pulled you right to me. No detail forgotten. And I didn’t even include the sex as part in my vision but clearly my subconscious mind contributed because I’m pretty sure she knows me better than I know myself.
Have a goodnight. I sure hope you’re no longer playing both sides cuz I adore you and would do anything for you. But omg you can crush me so easily that’s it’s terrifying.
You’re wrong in believing you aren’t likely to change. If you could see how much you’ve changed in the last year…
Letting go of destructive beliefs and seeing things anew is how you can eliminate stress, guilt and shame from your psyche and your memories.
Embrace change.
I love you, *****. Please please please don’t break my heart.
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